My partner, Dana, and myself have been in a wonderful, loving, committed relationship for coming up on eleven years now. It’s everything we dreamed it could be…give or take a few things…but there are very few complaints from either of us. Since 2012 though, we’ve been debating taking the plunge and actually tying the knot…getting married, if you will.
But, something is holding me back. It’s not that I don’t love Dana enough to do this for him, but it’s the idea that taking such a step could, quite possibly, be horribly detrimental to us. Call me paranoid, but I do NOT trust the world with the knowledge that I’m in love with another man enough to make this kind of joint commitment with him.
My view of the United States of America right now is Jaded…and yes…the capital J was intentional. Jaded… There’s not a single one of those sons of bitches out there running our country right now that I trust with the information that I love Dana. We are all so thrilled with the fact that we have marriage equality right now that we are all running out to every possible outlet…justices of the peace, preachers, heck…even sea captains…just to have our names put on a piece of paper that give the official okay to love one another like normal human beings should. But what is it that little piece of paper does?
Well, for one thing, it really makes it official. I’m rather certain that there is an official record kept in clerks offices nationwide of all marriage ceremonies that have happened by year. If a nefarious person were to access those records, which ARE a matter of public record, he/she could more or likely be able to create a list of ALL of the same-sex couples that married since the 2012 SCOTUS decision. I can hear you all hollering at me already with “So what? I’m out and proud and not ashamed of who I am…why should you be?”
Well, my answer to that is this: Anyone with a mind to do so can create a list of at least 50% of all the gay people living in our country right now, and with that list, there is nothing positive that they can do…but with negative intent, and the help of any number of government entities or anti-semitic/anti-gay groups, we could have a real nightmare on our hands. And it’s THIS idea that is stopping me from wanting to get married.
I don’t trust the world enough. I don’t trust the world with my love hardly at all. I don’t care about myself, but if something were to happen to my Dana because I couldn’t see the potential threat in our doing something so damned normal, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself. Right now we have a wannabe dictator running our country, and an anti-gay regime in control of EVERY SINGLE BRANCH of our government. Give me a reason…any reason…why I should trust them?
Help me here. I want to marry my love of eleven years…but for me, the risks are just too damned high. Please, someone tell me I’m just being too paranoid?
Thanks for your time.
Michael (Blondmyk) Hamilton
The Dark Mind of Blondmyk 